How often were you told as a child to face your fears? To just get over it. To just do it.
Even as an adult, we’re told the importance of facing your fears.
When it comes down to it, there really are three fears that are behind most people’s issues.
Our 3 Greatest Fears
- Being rejected
- I’m different, I don’t fit in
- What I want isn’t available to me
You may have one or more of these fears. I’ll explain each one a bit further below, share examples and offer solutions.
Being Rejected
The fear of being rejected is all to do with not feeling enough.
My mentor, Marisa Peer, talks about this a lot. Marisa started the “I am Enough” movement because this is such a plight in society. She even wrote a book called I am enough: Mark your mirror and change your life.
Of the many clients I have worked with over the years, this fear of rejection and not feeling enough comes up time and time again.
I suffered this myself for most of my life and I still do occasionally. Luckily I now have many tools to help me quickly get out of this mindset.
If you’ve read the book mentioned above or watched videos of Marisa Peer speaking about this, you will no doubt be familiar with one of the solutions.
Mark your mirror and change your life as the book title suggests!
Get some lipstick and write on the mirrors in your house, ‘I am enough’ in big bold letters. Each time you see it, repeat it over and over to yourself.
Add a phone alert so it pops up every hour. Write it on post-it notes and keep these around your home and in your car.
I’m different, I don’t fit in
This is another big fear, especially for highly sensitive people.
We all crave connection in some form. Some more than others yet connection is such a huge part of our lives.
When we feel different, we feel alone and disconnected.
We think there’s something wrong with us when often, we’re just hanging out in the wrong crowd.
Putting my hand up to this one too.
Growing up and even in a lot of my adult years I felt different and at times very disconnected.
When I discovered the HSP trait, this awareness helped me immensely. Knowing that I have a different nervous system to non-HSPs was like a light bulb moment.
Once you realise that you don’t have to fit into a paradigm that you’re not comfortable with, it can free you from so much anxiety and angst.
Surrounding yourself with other HSPs can be super helpful. As mentioned in previous blog posts, there are lots of wonderful online communities you can be part of.
Julie Bjelland’s Sensitive Empowerment Community is like a breath of fresh air for highly sensitive people. My own Facebook group is another fabulous community with hundreds of other HSPs.
What I want isn’t available to me
If you’ve ever had to face your fear around the belief of ‘that’s not available to me’ then you’ll understand how freeing it can be once you realise this is also a conditioned belief that can be rewired.
This fear or belief often stems from childhood.
For example if you have a belief that money is not available to you, this often comes from conditioning as a child.
You may have grown up hearing statements such as, ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’, ‘money is the root of all evil’, ‘It’s better to be poor and happy than rich and sad’, and many more of these unhelpful beliefs repeated over and over again.
Or if you believe love is not available to you. Perhaps as a child you were not loved and this belief has stayed with you throughout your life.
You may believe that success is not available to you.
Any of these beliefs that you may have grown up with, can easily be rewired.
If you want to have money, love, success, or whatever you think is not available to you, make the decision to change that belief.
The most important words you say in your life are the words you say to yourself.
~ Marisa Peer
Once you’ve made the decision, go about taking actions to reframe these beliefs. This could include affirmations, journaling, hypnosis, self-talk and other tools to rewire your current beliefs.
Final thoughts on facing your fears
Facing your fears can be totally freeing once you understand you are in control. If you fear being rejected, if you fear not fitting in or if you fear that what you want isn’t available to you, use the tools suggested above to change your thinking.
If you want to find out more about working with me either 1:1 or through my group programs, feel free to join my waitlist where you will receive exclusive offers.
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